I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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