Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize