no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
