walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
smell my finger.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize