Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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