Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
