you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize