Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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