hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
