So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
