The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
