Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
