Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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