Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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