Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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