Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize