I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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