Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
