My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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