Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
