Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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