Do you still have your period?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
