So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
