You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
