Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
