3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
