Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize