I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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