I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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