i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize