I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize