those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
