You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
