Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
