i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
