I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
