Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
