I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
