I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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