I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
