i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
