I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
