I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
