My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
