how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
