i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
id be glad to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
