It's Friday. Sex?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just pee around me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize