I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
