lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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