peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
