I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
