He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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