Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize