im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
