He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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