Duck Duck Cougar?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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