alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
