dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
