I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize