Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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