He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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