Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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